I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
