oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
