Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
