thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
