I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
