It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
