Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
