oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
