theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
