Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
