the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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