I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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