he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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