you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
