she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
