the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
