Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
