you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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