Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
