i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
