Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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