she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
