Define "chronic" masturbator.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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