I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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