Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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