More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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