I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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