What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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