i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
