Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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