I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
