Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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