I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I supernannyed him into submission
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
