I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
