My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
