he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
