I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
