god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
