1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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