question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Randomize
