I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
