he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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