I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
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