Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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