I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
