It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
