i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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