I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
