fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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