He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
