The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
