Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
