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• (509): View more from Washington

  Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

  (253): View more from Washington

  was*

  (509): View more from Washington

  True, R.I.P.

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• (707): View more from California

  she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.

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• (559): View more from California

  i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

  (559): View more from California

  ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  anything for my little brother.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.

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