i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
