Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and i looked up. we had an audience...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
