I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
