garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If that was your dad, he is hot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
