I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
