i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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