found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
