She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
