I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We don't watch enough power rangers
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
