I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
