i think my tv is drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
