Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
